Criticism is the act of evaluating & passing judgment on the merits of someone’s attitude or actions. In today’s culture the very idea of criticism carries a negative connotation. It is not uncommon to hear one say, “Who are you to criticize me?” The idea behind this kind of spirit is that one person does not have the right to criticize the attitude or actions of another person. And when that does happen, the criticizer is often accused of being unloving, even breaking the rules of friendship.
As Christians we are instructed to build one another up in the faith and to spur one another on to love and good deeds. And sometimes this involves healthy criticism. So I want to give you seven principles for healthy criticism so that you and your Christian friend can be edified in the midst of criticism:
- See your Christian friend as a valuable person for whom Christ died. When you understand that your friend is so precious that God gave His Son to die for him, then you will treasure your friend and not treat him unlovingly. “…shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ died?” (1 Cor. 8:11).
- See yourself in the same way you see your friend – a sinner saved by grace. Are you any better than him? No way! One of the great things about the Gospel is that the ground is level at the foot of the cross. There is no pecking order from greatest to least. We are all the least. “For there is no one righteous…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:9, 23). One day you will likely be in his shoes (the criticized) and he in yours (the criticizer).
- Prepare your heart, so that your motives will be right. God has a way of bringing sobriety and clarity to our minds when we bring ourselves before Him in humility and transparency. “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD” (Prov. 16:2). “The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil (Prov. 15:28). “A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction” (Prov. 16:23).
- Examine your life and confess your sin first. We make a huge relational mistake when we speak to others about their sin before we speak to God about our own. Jesus spoke powerfully about this: “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
- Be patient with your friend. Every one us thinks things we should not think, says things we should not say, and does things we should not do. If you witness your friend say or do something they shouldn’t, your immediate response should not be to correct or rebuke him. Your immediate response should be patience. “Love is patient, love is kind…” (1 Cor. 13:4). Criticism should be reserved for unchecked, unrepentant patterns in the life of your friend, not isolated moments of weakness.
- Be constructive, not condemning. After the time of criticism with your friend, he should be able to walk away appreciative for how you loved him. His soul should be encouraged, not crushed. Which of the following criticism options is better: “Dude, you are being stupid.” or “Man, I’m concerned that you are making a mistake here. Would you give me the opportunity to speak to that?” Duh! Unfortunately, criticism often involves harsh speech, hypocritical judgments, and condemning accusations. But Paul has given us a great principle for constructive criticism: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Eph. 4:29).
- Be gentle with your friend & pray for Him. “A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth” (2 Tim. 2:24-25).
by Ryan Limbaugh